Learning To Accept Help

Being a strong, successful person, one that always is able to achieve any goal is a huge blessing and a huge curse at the same time.  We know we can handle anything and it is not an option for us to ask for help.  Probably deeper than that, we have learned to rely on ourselves for everything and don’t believe that there is anyone else out there that could possibly help us the way we can help ourselves.  And you know what?  That is totally TRUE!  We do have all the tools to solve our own problems.

However, when you are stuck in a hole is it easier to have someone on the outside lending you a hand?  Will it take less time?  Will you be able reduce your anguish and pain; minimize your energy expenditure (and this also stands for spending less money)?  Absolutely YES!

Learning to accept help when you are a strong person is a difficult step, but can be a very humbling, rich and blissful experience.  When I started my ICA journey, I was one of those people.  There has never been anything I couldn’t handle, no matter how tough, or so I thought…  One of the requirements at ICA is that you need to be coached before you are allowed to coach within the school.  I went into this experience thinking:  I don’t need a coach, but I’ll do it since that’s what I must do! 

Little did I know what a huge impact this little exercise would have on my life!  The insights and learning kept coming, rewiring my circuits on very deep levels in an incredibly short amount of time.  I was in a personal crisis that was interwoven with a lot of extreme external events (e.g. murders, deaths and insanity).  Could I have handled it by myself?  Yes, but I am sure the results would have been very different.  It would have taken me years to work through it.  This coupled with a lot of pain and suffering, which forms a lot of bad memories and enhances patterns that have been formed over the years.  A lot of wasted energy and not a solid foundation to build on. 

Instead, with the help of great coaches, I feel like a new person and all it took was accepting that helping hand.  My blessing came disguised as something I “had to do”.  And the truth is I, a strong and successful person, was afraid to come across as weak and vulnerable and thus never asked for help.  I learned to rely on myself no matter what and I was able to succeed, but I wasn’t happy.  I am thankful I was “forced” to accept that hand.  With the help of some extraordinary coaches I am a new person today, full of hope, joy and love. 

A coach is a personal mirror that lets you see clearly where you are, who you are and where you want to be.  To this day I have a personal coach.  Having an impartial, non-judgemental, positive and energetic sounding board on your side is priceless.  The amount of time and heartache you save yourself is immense not to mention the giant leaps you take!  In a world where time seems to become shorter and shorter everyday, there is no better way to maximize your present!

So as you are reading this, can you relate to being this strong, successful, self sufficient person?  Do you too see accepting help as a weakness?  Do you need to reach the lowest of low before you would ever concede to asking for help?  If the answer is yes I urge you to find YOUR helping hand, whatever form it may take (coaching is not the only one, though I have an obvious bias ).

Please note that a coach is not a therapist.  A coach is your partner, a person you can confide in, a person with whom you can be you in your true form, no masks.  The coaching environment is a sanctuary, YOUR personal, private, confidential space.  Coaching is all about you and you finding the answers/paths that are right for you and you alone!

As I am writing this I am overflowing with gratitude toward those who have changed my life forever.  I want to thank Toni, Melissa, Bev, Julie and Fady, my extraordinary coaches, with all my heart.  You are all fabulous in your own creative, intuitive, innovative, inspiring, and loving ways.  You will be in my heart forever.  THANK YOU!

Top 10 Personal Learnings Through My ICA Journey

Yesterday was my Graduation Day.  This morning all the learnings below came pouring out of me and I would like to share these with everyone in hopes that maybe even just one of these might inspire you too.  I am deeply grateful for everyone everywhere who has touched my life.  Thank you.

What I have  learned through my ICA journey…

1.      I don’t need to be perfect.  Perfection cannot be achieve because everything is in continual motion/constantly changing and that includes perfection.  Thus the goal always changed and there was no end to this madness.  Imperfection is beautiful and full of creative potential.

2.      I AM good enough – my life was driven by the need of acceptance of others.  God accepts me as I am, so why shouldn’t I?  Once I accept myself, nothing else matters.

3.      I AM loved – I’ve been seeking love all my life from people who didn’t have any more to give than I did.  I needed to learn to love myself first!  All the neediness fades when the inner cup of love is filled.  That cup is filled by the constant love flow of the Universe, God’s Unconditional Love.  True love comes from the space of not needing, not wanting, just giving when your cup is overflowing.  You can only give if you have and you only have if you surrender to what is and become one with the Source.

4.      I AM responsible for my actions only, not the world’s.  I am no one’s savior; I cannot fight other people’s battles.  By attempting to do so I dishonor the person I am trying to save as well as myself.  There is no growth for either party.  It becomes a stagnant situation where all parties loose and are dis-empowered.  Empower yourself.  Embrace your power.  It is there for you to take and it is available for all.  This power is not greedy, selfish, or brutal.  It feeds off the flame of God not in an imposing way, but in an empowering way, letting people know that they have choices and that they can choose their reality.  We are creators of our own reality.

5.      I AM responsible for ALL my actions.  My life is mine and there is no one else to blame.  You are in the driver’s seat of your own life!  Drive where YOU want to go.  The world is yours for the taking.

6.      I LOVE my life – it is awesome to feel alive again.  Nothing has changed externally, but I am in touch with my inner flame now and am in the flow of energy.  That is priceless!  I feel exuberant, joyous and so peaceful at the same time when I am in this space.  Learning to be in and operate out of this space is becoming more and more second nature everyday. 

7.      Balance is the key!  You have been given four tools to grow your soul in this life: 1. A physical body, 2. A great mind, 3. An endlessly colorful palette of emotions, 4. Unlimited access to and support from the Universal energy, God, Spirit, Allah, whatever your favorite expression of the Divine is.  Use them equally and grow your soul!!!

8.      HAVE FUN!  Celebrate!  Be grateful.  Each day is filled with a million things to be joyous about.  I took them all for granted.  Every day is a celebration.  Enjoy your path, not because today is all you have, not out of fear of not living your life to the fullest, but just because you can, just because it is yours for the taking and making.  Take time to be inspired.  Find what you love and what brings you joy, true, pure heartfelt joy!

9.      Nature nurtures my soul!  It refills my batteries on this plane.  I forgot how to look through the eyes of a child and see/experience the wondrous world we live in, marvel at the beauty it offers, the kindness it holds and the power it has.

10. I have learned how to TRUST!  Trust the unknown, trust that there is a purpose in everything we do, see, experience and live.  It is not for me to decide how things will unfold.  All I need to do is live my soul, work through my life, my responsibilities and, again, have fun!!!  When I am aligned with who I am everything else magically falls into place.  And YES, I do believe in MAGIC and MIRACLES.  They are all around us and in us all the time.  We start seeing and feeling it when we open our HEART. 

Quote on Leadership

“The essence of leadership is not giving things or even providing visions.  It is offering oneself and one’s spirit.”

- Lee Bolman and Terrance Deal

When we know who we are and act from that sacred space within we blossom in our essence.  Everyone else can see/sense that on their higher self level and that is what makes it powerful.  It is not just “mask-leadership” (the surface leadership style), it is “heart-leadership”.

The Soul Coaching Process

Today I had a lesson in what it truly means to be there for your client, to be his/her believing eyes, to be his/her supporter and cheerleader, to be the keeper of their flame. 

Though I cannot disclose details about my client and the situation, I feel compelled to share the essence as an illustration of the process of soul coaching  and the beautiful results we can accomplish with the client when we understand our role as coaches in conjunction with the shift in the client’s needs as he/she progresses.  Interestingly enough, as I was writing this, I also realize that this is the process I myself went through too as a client!

Imagine a scenario where your client truly wants to move forward in her life.  She feels her soul stirring, knows she is in the wrong place, wanting to break out but not knowing how.  So you embark on this journey together.   The goal really, no matter which disguise it takes, is to find the core values, the fundamentals, in essence the soul.  As the coach I ended up being the believer.  No matter how tough the going got, when all people around the client had lost faith, and sometimes even the client, we kept moving, me holding her flame in loving care.  There were several times I even wanted to throw in the towel, but faith and personal experience as I realize now kept me going.  We were peeling off the layers that had been built up over the years.  Until that miraculous day when she finally stumbled across her flame.  No more hurdles, no more deamons, no more battles.  She had arrived home.  There was her essence, her soul. 

This is not where the story ends.  Finding the flame was only the beginning.  Believing in this light and living your life through it brings new hurdles: the restructuring of your life and everyone in it.  The results are not immediate, but they are profound.  This is a very vulnerable stage for the client, but a very empowering one too because there is no turning back.  As a coach you switch from being the holder of the flame to being the supporter, the scaffolding as your client proceeds to build their new house. 

The client will be given a lot of challenges by the Universe that have the purpose of solidifying the soul path the client has just step on.  These are opportunities for growth and it is important for the coach to understand this to support the client accordingly, to help the client see that they are not failing, that the Universe/God has not foresaken them, but that they are being helped.  From the experiences I have had thus far, they are often times very extreme manifestations, but necessary ones.  I wonder at this point if the extremity has to do with how far the soul is from the path it needs to be on – I am sure there is a correlation there.

For me personally they were so extreme that after a while all I could do was accept them, shake my head and laugh.  I was done crying.  Through it all though there was never a doubt, no matter how hard it got, that this was MY PATH.  And I have seen this exact pattern in my clients too.  The rewards in the end are unbelievably good though.  Feeling your light shine bright is a joy that never ends.

Step Inside The Sun!

While listening to the song “Strong” by Robbie Williams today I heard the following lyrics:

“Life’s too short to be afraid – step inside the sun!” 

I had always heard the latter part of it.  The words in combination with the music always made my heart soar at that point of the song.  But today, my brain chose to hear the first part too and it brought tears to my eyes.  In that instant it hit me that this is what Soul Coaching is all about.  It is about conciously choosing to get out of fear, no matter what and to step into your sun, your joy, your brilliance, your love, your life and your soul.  It is as simple as that.

We are here to step inside the sun.  Make it your choice to take that step today.  It is yours for the taking.  You are strong enough, beautiful enough, worthy enough, etc.  All you’ll ever need and more is in you.  Step inside your sun.

A Poem From The Heart – Written by my angel, Rebekka Armstrong (11)

I sleep a deep slumber

Not even the loudest

Can wake me.

 

I have a light soul

Lighter than light itself.

It is filled with Joy and Happiness.

 

Above my face I have a mind.

It is filled with creation.

It is filled with imaginary things.

 

But when I lay on my final bed

It must come to an end.

It is so sad,

Like when you finish a book:

You are happy but sad

Happy for the happy end

But sad for no more story to tell.

 

But life goes on

And so does love.

So don’t be sad for the past.

Be happy for the future.

Find your soul – Who are you?

Who am I?  Isn’t that the question we all strive to answer and the one we turn our backs on most often?

So here goes: Who am I?

I am a child of God that has been incredibly blessed with the gift of seeing people’s soul, their essence, their inner beauty.  Learning how to coach people has been the missing link for me to be able to put this gift into the service of mankind.  I am finding through my coaching practice that most people if not all people are intimidated and often outright scared to look at who they are.  I feel very passionate about helping people see past those fears in their contexts and find their light within. 

Every person I have coached has humbled me and filled me with an immense sense joy with their trust, their willingness to explore what was taboo for them for long periods of time for various reasons.  I marvel at each unique path, each unique manifestation and how it leads them to their core, their light, their piece of heaven (these are my words – each individual has their own!).  All of this transcends religions, races, beliefs, etc.  We are all humans and we all have a soul.  There is goodness in all of us and it is my mission to help you see the beautiful soul that makes you YOU!

Now why am I focusing on Executives and Leaders?  There are many facets to this answer…  For starters, I have seen the most dramatic results with this group of people.  I have a theory on this:  Leaders have experienced worldly success – they have perfected their mental capabilities, managed their emotions and achieved the unachievable.  And yet there is that feeling that there is still something missing, that feeling that there should be more to life.  And as we all know being a leader is lonely.  Who can you turn to for support? 

This is the “God like void” Pascal talks about.  I believe Executives and Leaders can achieve immense success quickly with Soul Coaching because this is the only piece of the pie they are missing but still possibly the scariest – the one that can imply the most change.  And yet also the most rewarding. 

Another facet is that by being leaders, their change can impact all the people they lead and that can ultimately have a huge effect on our world.  Helping them shine their light helps others find their light in turn.

How do I fit the bill?  I am a very grounded and logically minded person that has learned how to find that light, how to fill that void through personal experience.  I have been exposed to executives all my life (including my father), so I have a thorough understanding of the personal trials and tribulations Leaders experience.  My whole life has prepared me for being the bridge between the logical world and the spiritual world for those who seek this path.  My strength due to my engineering background is the logical approach which men often more than women relate to.  There is nothing supernatural about my gift of seeing the essence of people.  It took me a long time to recognize that that was what was happening and then some more time to embrace it as a gift.  Everyone has intuition and special gifts, but we are not taught to recognize them and nurture them. 

Life is an ongoing learning process and now that I am firmly on the path I am supposed to be on I am overjoyed and open to all the adventures life has coming my way.

Does this define who I am?  Not completely, but it did give you a glimpse into my soul.

The Wise Man and his Cave

Once upon a time there was a man who lived in a cave.  He chose to live in this cave many, many years ago.  Living among humans had drained him and the seeming lack of love and compassion in the world left him hurt, sad and lonely. 

Taking his refuge in a cave he started a new life.  In time he gained strength again.  He found his connection back to the earth and nature.  He felt the energy that is so readily available for those who are open to it.  He learned to get beyond his hurt by replacing it with love.  He started getting a sense that he was able to tap into a different type of intelligence, one that was buried deep in the heart, one that exuded love, compassion and wisdom.

Once he got a glimpse of this place within himself, he wanted to know more about it.  Nobody had ever told him that there was such a thing.  He himself had never seen it directly.  He could say that he maybe sensed it, but there were always a lot of other things that were more important, more relevant at the time.  Part of him was afraid of that place.  It was an unknown and thus scary.  And yet could there be such a thing?  Could there be a safe place inside of him?  One where he didn’t have to pretend?  One in which there was no pain, no fear, no hate, no complications?

Curiosity and hope took over.  He plunged into his depths and started exploring himself.  He had to face a lot of demons, fears that were a part of him, roadblocks where he didn’t know what to do anymore and sometimes utter despair.  Nevertheless he persisted.   Every demon that was slain seemed to vanish instantly, replaced at first with utter disbelief that it had ever seemed so big.  A little braver he went on to his next fear that seemed even bigger than the demon before.  It took him 4 times longer to get past this one, but the relief and lightness was instant and the effort exerted was nothing in comparison to the joy and happiness he felt.

And so continued his journey until at last he found that wondrous, magical place.  That haven we all dream of.  That safe harbor where you are welcome in all your glory, where you are loved and where you are love.  Here he found his wisdom, here he found his soul that had been calling him, helping him through the challenges, giving him that sense of purpose he needed to persevere. 

Here he learned what his soul mission was:  He needed to go back into the world and share this joyous place.  He needed to help people find that glory within themselves, let them know that there is hope and love, joy and happiness.  That there is a way not to hurt inside and hurt others because we are hurting.

Having found his path, he bravely ventured back into the world that had become a stranger to him.  New lessons were in store for him: from the most glorious and joyous to the most disappointing and hurtful.  But one thing was very different:  The disappointments were not as bad, the hurt not as deep, the fears not as scary.  He had learned to make friends with them along the way and turn them into learning opportunities.  Opportunities that have helped him grow faster and allowing his inner light to shine brighter each day. 

Though he senses that there is wisdom in him, he would never call himself a wise man.  He feels humble and grateful to be walking his path, grateful everyday that God and the Universe have blessed him the way that they have and he continues to search for those who are in need of a guide to find their inner light.

To Be Continued…

Mirror

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?  Of course you have!  But do you REALLY look at yourself?  Or is it a self assessment, full of critique and criticism, when you look? 

Do you ever just look at yourself lovingly, without judgement, only with pure love and admiration?  How many times do you look at yourself in awe whenever you have accomplished anything of importance to you and tell yourself: “You did GREAT!!!” ? Or for that matter, have you ever told yourself while looking at your reflection: “I love you.”?

I recently listened to an audio book of Dr. Wayne Dyer in which he made lots of interesting points, but one that is roaming my mind right now sounded something like this:  “If you don’t like who you are it is like carrying a bag of garbage around with you.  And who wants to carry a bunch of garbage?”  How true is this concept!  We are who we are and if we don’t love ourselves, then who will?

Our bodies are a reflection of who we are.  Our pains and aches tell us where our soul is ailing.  We just have to learn to look and listen.  We are often so much in a rush, burdened by all the demands we put on ourselves that we loose track of what is most important and that is YOU, YOURSELF.

Looking at your reflection, your full reflection, can give you a lot of insights about yourself and might even bring up several thought provoking questions.  It helps increase your sense of self love (not in a narcissistic kind of way, but in a self nurturing kind of way).  This in turn triggers uncountable other positive changes that will truly turn your life around and you will be living your dream more and more each day.

As Bill Turpin said in class:  “Happiness comes FROM you, not at you.”.

Find your joy and make sure you live it each day!

Playground

As I am sitting here learning about WordPress and how to work it, I am realizing that I am having fun!  I am learning something new and I feel like a child with a new toy. 

In my last (and first!) post I mentioned the creation of my new “playground” and a new correlation is forming in my head.  Life is a playground.  We have the power to make it what we want it to be and whether we have fun or not depends on what toys we choose to put into it.  It also entails throwing out those toys that don’t serve us anymore or that have broken.  It also entails getting rid of the trash that accumulates for various reasons, making it a safe and clean environment again.

It is amazing how long I held on to “toys” that were useless and tried to rearrange other people’s toys that ended up in my playground, for me to even have a place to play.  I allowed those toys to be in my space and I now I realize that I have the power to get rid of them too.  And so does everyone else.

Playing like a child is fun, full of life and creativity.  You know you are on the right path when you are able to experience this child-like joy in what you do.  I have been coaching and motivating people all my life without knowing it.  Being able to do it consciously and discovering all the tools that go with it is FUN and EXCITING. 

That being said, I am off to be an adult child and encourage you to do the same.  Find that child like quality in you and you’ll experience the magic that follows that feeling…